fyi, while running a search on google images for my last post, i cam across a lot of great pictures.  you might imagine similar results when you type “fantasy football” into a search engine.  however, i’m trying to keep this clean, and family appropriate.

so i offer you one of my all time favourite (so good it gets the queen’s english spelling) football images.  very family friendly, well except for the kid tackling jesus.

fantasy football explained.

it’s always brought to my attention that there are a number of people, whom i associate with, that don’t understand fantasy football.  this could be for a few reasons. 

1) maybe you don’t understand football - i don’t have that kind of time on my hands, though i’d suggest some light reading.  if you’ve followed the link, you’ll understand that i call it “light reading” because howie long is a contributor (haven’t read it, but i’m assuming there’s lots of pictures, and perhaps a connect-the-dot puzzle for readers to complete).

2)maybe you don’t understand the draw of fantasy football - i understand this, it may be that you don’t understand football.  the easiest way i can address this is just by saying, i love football, but i tend to only follow the bears.  ffl (yes, that means fantasy football) gives me the opportunity to pay attention to other teams/players.  also, there’s often some wagering involved (much like a ncaa tourney office pool - yes, i’ll blog about that too, but let’s wait a few months).

3)maybe you just plain don’t understand the concept behind ffl - that’s what i’m here to discuss tonight.

fantasy football has a variety of formats, and within those there are countless variables that can be determined by the league commissioner (aka the dude who set it up).  how points are awarded, number of players on a team, positions of players on a team, etc…it can all be customized to your liking. 

let me pause here, and just say that i’m one of the guys that does my ffl through yahoo, and not one of the guys who gets together with a group of guys in a basement or restaurant to pick teams.  rather than offend, let’s just say those guys take it a bit more seriously than i do.  in actuality, they’re just bigger dorks than i am.

ok, so for sake of simplicity, let’s say i’m using as an example has a quarterback, a wide receiver, and a running back.  we all know that average leagues are quite a bit deeper, but we’re going to keep this simple.  now the idea is to draft (much like real life) a team of players.  you’re essentially making up your own all star team, hence “fantasy.”  in most leagues (as in real life), other teams can’t have the same players as you do.  based upon the performance in a game, the players are given point values (not like gymnastics) based upon statistics.

dana likes reggie bush (new orleans saints), if for no other reason than that he dated/tolerated kim kardashian (future subject) for a while.  so let’s use him as an example.  say reggie bush runs the ball for 40 yards tonight, and catches another 80 yards, and a touchdown pass.  not a bad night for a former heisman winner, and current 2nd string running back.  in our example league, a player gets 1 point for every 10 rushing yards, 1 point for every 20 receiving yards, and 6 points for a touchdown (again, there’s more that goes into it, but this should give you an idea).  so based on reggie’s night, he’s scored 14 points for his fantasy team.  dana’s also got tony romo (because he’s cute), and ochocinco (because he’s “sassy”).  so when you add their points in, let’s say you’ve got a total of 70.

lots of leagues score “head-to-head” which means that dana’s team plays my team this week, and if her 70 points better mine, she wins for that week.  and like regular football, there’s playoffs and yadda yadda.

starting to make sense?  basically, even though i hate the packers, i still have to watch the game to see if eli manning (on my team) lights them up in week 16.

football’s back!

i never had one of these electronic football games, and i can only remember seeing one in use (live and in person).  regardless, real football’s back, and i couldn’t be more excited.  i may have just wet my pants a bit.  looking forward to seeing favre get torn up by nola tonight.  and can’t wait for the bears on sunday.

enjoy, more to come!

dawes.  check them out.  they’re pretty darned good.

perhaps i’ll be starting a song of the day feature…

jeep trail rated, means that jeeps kick ass

so i used to sell jeeps for a few months.  one of the greatest things (legitimately) is that they engineer these things to take on all types of terrain, and weather conditions.  little known fact, the seven slots that make up the grill is said to signify the seven continents where jeeps have driven, traversed, and conquered.

now we all know that a fair amount of yuppies drive jeeps, before hummers and mercedes suv’s made their way into douchers driveways, jeeps were the suv of choice.  but jeeps drive like trucks (because they are trucks) and people want that car-like ride of the lexus rx350.  but let’s face it, the lexus rx350, mercedes ml350, and infiniti fx50 are little more than jacked up minivans.  none of these will see anything more fierce than a gravel alley, but they’re suv’s, because the owners don’t want to be dorky and drive minivans.

what’s the point of all of this?  why do people buy sport utility and/or “off road” rated vehicles if they’re just going to drive around the city?  chicago’s notorious for potholes, so that’s probably it…they can drive through the potholes without worry.  nope.  if i had a nickel for every time i’ve nearly made a hood ornament of some idiot in a jeep (or other suv) as they slam on the breaks for a 2” drop (where the city’s doing resurfacing), i’d have enough to buy 8 or 9 new suv’s.  it’s a 2” drop, your car boasts the ability to climb up a friggin’ mountain, take the bump in stride.  cripe sakes, i’m not slowing down in my coupe, though bmw’s are engineered to be the greatest car ever (mission success).

so if you think you’re cool, or safe, or not a minivan driving tool because you drive an suv, that’s fine.  just sack up, and drive it without fear that if you hit a bump the whole thing will collapse.  if not, do me the favor of not driving in front of me.  thank you, that is all.

football is back! here we go iowa!

i’m changing my theme up a bit.  yeah, can’t sleep.  i finally figured out how to add the links over to the left.  and i’ve figured out a couple of other nifty little tricks as well.

stay tuned, i’m teaching myself html.

while i refuse to re-blog, i thought i’d mention a friend of mine whom blogged “fruity cheerios + almond milk = yum” today.  now i won’t go into depth about this friend’s dietary choices or anything like that, but let me simply ask a question.  fruity cheerios, didn’t they used to call that fruit loops?

now this all leads me to something i’ve been thinking about lately.  originality.  set aside re-blogging for the time being, for no other reason than i don’t want to get yelled at for mocking re-blogging.  but fruity cheerios, really?  so maybe they’re healthier than fruit loops, and i suppose i can see tagging the cheerios franchise would help with sales of a new product (shows how much i know, they’ve probably been out for years).

a few weeks ago, they aired the series finale of law and order.  the original one.  but, there’s still svu, criminal intent, and like 18 other law and orders out there.  same idea, just different surroundings.  regardless, i’ll always be a fan of sam waterston.  truth be told, i’m a big fan of the bear grylls man v wild show.  however, lately i’ve noticed a bunch of similar shows.  i thought (being that i like to make fun of people) i’d like man, woman, wild.  granted, it could be funny.  guy’s trying to play the “survivor” role, while his nagging wife is piping in behind him.  i’m not trying to be sexist, check it out, she’s dumb and doesn’t shut up.  bt dubs, the guy’s a total idiot as well.

the point is, let’s get creative people.  we all know glenn beck is a (moderately) thinner version of rush limbaugh.  maybe people listen to his “fresh way of thinking” because they’ve never heard of other neo-facist thinkers like mussolini or alarcón.

that’s all i’m going to say about this for now, i’m tired.  and don’t get me started on “almond milk.”  that’s just plain impossible, i’ve never seen an almond teat.  at best, it’s “almond juice,” though that just doesn’t sound as appealing.  (credit duly to lewis black).

so i’m getting married.  and we’ve all seen those blogs.  this will not be one of those.  i may post about the planning, etc on occasion, but it won’t be the focus.  the goal here is to post amusing things, and observations of what i may see from day to day.  i’ll try not to get political, however there’s a lot out there to make fun of these days.

so sit back, read up, and enjoy.  i welcome thoughts/comments, though i’m not sure how to set that all up right now.

EDIT:

also too, i don’t plan on re-blogging stuff.  i may here and there, but let’s face it, that’s not too creative.  i do plan on linking a good number of things, as i’ll try to keep my stuff accurate.  and no, i don’t like capitalizing letters.

i once told a story about how my younger brother lost 3 fingers as a result of eating g.i. joe figures when he was younger.  the story was completely made up in effort to impress some new friends.  regardless of legitimacy, the story worked.  one of those relationships has dwindled, but the other still stands. 

so when manzer requested i start providing comical relief, i decided to start podcasting something for her.  however, my laziness prevailed, and the podcasts never really took flight.  if you view my facebook, you’ll likely read that i’mnot a big fan of blogs.  this still remains true, and believe me, i looked into the twitter route, though i figured that i’d need more than 140 characters to explain my displeasure with twitter.

what’s the problem with blogging?  i’m not that interested in other people to read about the funny thing their cat did today.  problem with podcasting?  i don’t really like my recorded voice, i mutter, and so it just sounds stupid.  twitter?  really, who needs to know what jessica simpson ate for lunch?  so blogging became the lessor of all evils.